The Tech Offensive

Today’s tale of internet-related consumer distress is brought to you by Amazon.com and the letters I-M-I-C.

I got real hot on Amazon for gift browsing this year, purchasing all of my family’s gifts through the service. I also decided to grab a Griffin iMic as well.

This is a Griffin iMic:

Here is a terrific graphic from Leo Laporte on how the iMic is used (links to Laporte’s original Leoville.com post):

[Leo Laporte is the pod-father over at the TWIT network, you may also remember him from TechTV...he is an amazing broadcaster and web-media evangelist, and perhaps by complimenting him I can prevent a C&D for using his image.]

Anyway, everything I ordered through Amazon arrived lickety-split, everything but the iMic. I received a message today explaining the item’s absence:

TechNGnet? 5-8 business days? The fuck? Who the fuck are these assholes?

Welp, Louie, guess you should have checked the fine-fucking-print on your Amazon order:

They’re the assholes that are supplying the product you thought you purchased through Amazon, the product that didn’t ship until six-fucking-days (!) after you ordered it.

Ok, admission: I’d had a few drinks before purchasing the iMic, leading me to miss the ’ships from and sold by [these people]‘ fine print. However, should something like this be fine print? Or did I miss something in the order process?

Maybe I’m just being an asshole here, but being an asshole makes me feel better about the fact that I’ll probably not be able to use my shiny-new Mackie Onyx 1620 for netcasting for another couple weeks. There is no e-sigh large enough to convey how I feel about that.

So, anyway, Amazon, TechNGnet: I hope you both die in a fire. That is all.

This week on The Tech Offensive:

• Google’s Knol – Just buy Wikipedia and get it over with
• Android sucks! – buggy buggy
• Live from the Banana Stand – Party Netcast
• More 700 MHz – Paul Allen is going to buy his own spectrum
• 15 biggest disappointments of the year – In technology, not in our lives
• Name your best eBay purchase
• Webco bullshit

 PICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! or something

• Louie - Macbreak Weekly
• Jott - Fake Steve Jobs
• Austin - vbs.tv
• Bennett - Brawndo (the thirst eliminator)
• Aaron - Wordpress (pick of the year)

First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the netcast. (right click and save as)

Aaron Colter, creator of FearingAmericans and frequent ‘cast guest, has his first ColourLovers.com blog up here, it’s about the Bonnaroo Music Festival.  Image also links to the article.

Check it out, digg it or something if you have the means.

Ok, so far we’ve kinda failed at the netcast thing. Yes, we’ve been releasing content (of varying qualities), but a key part of this whole netcasting thing is syndication through fucking RSS. Now, finally, seven netcasts in, the Tech Offensive is proud to announce that we’re on the way to iTunes. Tell Jobs he’d better hide the silver.

So: the Tech Offensive Netcast should be available on iTunes soon, complete with a LOGO designed by frequent-cast-guest Bennett Leader. However, as of today you can also subscribe to Tech Offensive using your favorite RSS reader (or even iTunes)!

Here’s how it works in iTunes: Louie’s created a new page at TechOffensive, its URL is http://techoffensive.com/netcast.xml.

Copy the link, then go to iTunes. Click on the ‘Advanced’ drop-down menu, then select ‘Subscribe to Podcast.’ Paste the URL into the space iTunes provides and voila, you’ve subscribed to the netcast. After subscribing, instead of visiting Tech Offensive to download the netcast, it will automatically be pushed to your computer and will be available for listening through iTunes.

HOW EXCITING!!!!

The Tech Offensive is proud to announce a new media cast: LIVE FROM THE BANANA STAND.

The first episode of Live from the Banana Stand will be recorded right here in the Banana Stand on New Years Eve 2007 and will feature Portland’s-own (and friends-of-the-show) DEER OR THE DOE (and lots of drunken nonsense).

Live from the Banana Stand: Deer or the Doe…coming January 2008.

This week on the Tech Offensive:

• W00t is the word of the year – w00t
• Ask.com allows users to clear search archives – 65% of people use Google, Ask only 4%
• Microsoft changes “Playsforsure” to “Certified for Windows Vista” – a DRM by any other name…
• SWsoft rebrands as Parallels in order to bank like VMWare – Do you feel an IPO?
• Jetpacks! – come on, jetpacks bro

This weeks picks:

• Aaron – Lulu.com (check out Whiskey and Pills)
• Ross – (anti-pick) fennel toothpaste
• Bennett – Dermaphoria
• Jott – Hulu.com
• Louie – Super Mario Galaxy
  

The Tech Offensive gang would like you to check out The Greater Midwest, Tranquilazer, Fearing Americans, and BennettLeader.com/blog. This weeks Tech Offensive is sponsored by Astroglide. Made by astronauts, for astronauts. It gets lonely in space.

GET THE TECH OFFENSIVE 6: CERTIFIED FOR FAILURE HERE!!!! WE’RE VERY EXCITED!!!1 RIGHT CLICK SAVE AS!!!

 

 The Tech Offensive Episode Whatever!!! [50:37m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

This week on The Tech Offensive:

• Beacon – I’d like to buy the world a coke, but not from facebook
• Google et al. and the 700 MHz Spectrum Auction – Merkins ARE involved but no gavel
• Gamespot and Gerstmann – Kane & Lynch just sucks
• Amazon – Half-assed Google
• Kindle revisited – a unanimous meh

Picks:

• Bennett – Driven Design
• Austin – FecalFace.com
• Ross - Turtles (what?)
• Jott – Topless Wii
• Louie – VLC

Happy Birthday Sam; and thanks to tranquilazor and The Greater Midwest for a great show last week.

Click here to download The Tech Offensive Episode 5!!!!!

On this week’s Tech Offensive Netcast:

• Kindle
• Gdrive
• ChaCha

and random other things…

Picks:

• Louie: Mike Swanson’s Blog
• Jacques Vaughn: Pixelmator

Click here for The Tech Offensive Episode 4: Adventures in Netcasting!!!

GET THE NEW NETCAST HERE! THE MEDIA OFFENSIVE: EP 1 – STEAL IT BABY, STEAL IT!!! RIGHT CLICK SAVE AS

This week on THE MEDIA OFFENSIVE:

• Marvel Comics does digital distribution, stealing is still better.
• “Live Free or Die Hard” allows some copying. Kinda neat, but stealing is still better.
• Rolling Stone Magazine makes shitty recommendations, Aaron makes better ones.
• Jacque Franz attempts to join us but can’t, John Culloh joins us temporarily.

Our picks this week:

• Louie – Senuti
• Aaron – Santogold
• Jott – The Darjeeling Limited
• Ross – Jodie Holland
• John – Leaving

I was joined this week by Jott Robertson, Aaron Colter, Ross Faulkenberg, John Culloh and (almost) Jacque Franz. Thanks to all participants.

GET THE NEW NETCAST HERE! THE MEDIA OFFENSIVE: EP 1 – STEAL IT BABY, STEAL IT!!! RIGHT CLICK SAVE AS

DOWNLOAD THE NETCAST HERE WE”RE VERY EXCITED LOOK IT’S BOLD

(please right click-save as.)

This week on The Tech Offensive:

• The new Zune, better than the iPod classic?: depends on what you want
• Apple posts three new mac ads
• NBC direct: not as good as Hulu or stealing
• (New Segment!) Douche of the week: Steve Ballmer, Android: just words on paper (what a douche)
• Magically Prince: face tattoos
• Demonoid: shut down like TV
• Picks

This weeks picks:

• Ross: Young Jason Schwartzman’s nose (He grew into it)
• Jott: Livetype 2
• Austin: Bike Snob NYC
• Jacques (anti-pick): Zune headphones (look like dog balls)
• Aaron: free internet pornography
• Louie: Zero Punctuation (sounds like british micromachines commercial)

This weeks Tech Offensive sponsored by Werewolf Bar Mitzvah (it’s spooky scary)

Get the Tech Offensive Netcast Episode 3: In a Google Future right here! Right click save as! We’re excited as usual!